For Now
by Zoe1
Summary: A brief look into Heero's tortured childhood. Written two years ago, so forgive the undeveloped style, but this subject always fascinated me so I HAD to write it out...


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# _For Now_

#### Pain. 

It saturated him with its feeling, washing over his body over and over again in waves of agony; beating out all rational thought from his mind. It multiplied itself, manifesting in his spirit, infecting his innocence and corrupting his mind. His once clear and sparkling Prussian eyes stared blankly out ahead of him, now bloodshot and lifeless, too consumed with his suffering to register anything but the pain. 

And he never screamed once. 

Oh his mind whimpered for someone, _anyone_ to stop this madness. But so completely and utterly thorough was his training that nothing in the world could make _him_ cry out. He had been prepared for this, but somehow he knew the scientists couldn't really have made him understand what was to come. 

At least not without experiencing it for themselves. 

And no-one's mind could fathom this kind of punishment. 

For the sake of peace, fate had decided that his life would be sacrificed. That his body would live, but that his spirit would be so crushed that it would be as if he were already dead. Walking about the world with the semblance of humanity but not really feeling anything. His soul was worthless. _He_ was worthless. Nothing in the world mattered except the mission. 

This was perfection. That was what they called him anyway. Perfect. Inhuman. 

_Perfect._

And yet this pain was nothing compared with what he carried around inside him. A demented, driving force that compelled him to do as they asked, compelled him to kill, compelled him to make his enemies suffer. 

All so that the world would not have to experience the kind of pain he knew. 

And so he carried the burden of the world inside him, and the scars on his body were his medals, but the storm that raged inside him was his personal hell. This is just another of so many beatings. So many… 

And then it stopped. For the moment anyway, they were going to let him go._ "Take him to the infirmary."_ Ironic that they went to so much trouble to hurt him, only to heal his body later. 

Through the blackness he can still hear them whisper amongst themselves as he is carted off to the medical wing. Their voices warp and surround his body, attacking him even though their hands have stopped the torture. 

_So perfect… Abnormal tolerance for pain for such an age, for any age… Not normal… Soldier… _

Not normal… 

Over and over they taunted, a never-ending nightmare that pursued him. 

He screamed into the darkness, begged them to leave him alone. 

_"We are leaving you alone, we stopped hitting you. You will go to Earth in a few years. It's not any worse than what you would go through if you were caught. REMEMBER YOUR MISSION. The training is over for now."_

For now. It would all start over again tomorrow. 

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Heero snapped himself out of his memory. He shouldn't be thinking like this. Remembering made him lose balance. He looked around the room at the other children in his class. The teacher was droning on about algebra, something impossibly simple for him seeing as he had learned all this when he was eight. His training had required him to be exceptionally intelligent in all fields if he was to be a good soldier. _A perfect soldier. _

"Heero are you listening to me?" 

He looked up 

"Of course" he replied mechanically. 

"Yes, well then answer me this problem." He glanced at the formula on the board, his mind doing the calculation in a matter of seconds. 

"It's six point eight nine seven over y squared if I'm not mistaken" he answered, deadpan, before dropping his eyes. 

The teacher stared at him, taken aback at his speed, but she chose not to press him further. The other boys just mumbled to themselves with jealousy until he looked up at them. The wild way his molten eyes glinted in the light was enough for them to snap their attention back to the instructor. 

All but one. She kept studying him; the way he had looked a few minutes ago was worrying her. He had been clutching the sides of the desk so tightly that she swore she saw him break off a piece of it. Whatever he had been thinking must have upset him a great deal. 

His mask had slipped. For just a moment, Relena thought she saw his face twist in sorrow. 

Calming himself, Heero considered the children in his class. They were…_happy_. They knew nothing of the horrors that went on in the world, 

_Nothing._

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